Why do i watch gay porn
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And can gay porn, like any other vice, eventually become an addiction?
We can all agree that videos of men having oral or penetrative sex are considered porn. Watching queer porn helped him become more comfortable with this. Lack of early sexual validation
Growing up, many gay men didn’t receive healthy affirmations of their sexuality.
"It’s fun. That’s not failure—it’s resourcefulness. Do this without changing your habits so you can get an accurate picture. I still get turned on by being in control, but why not enjoy both?”
Dr. In this void, porn became a first source of sexual identity—a private space where desire didn’t need to be explained.
But when that becomes the only form of validation, it can evolve into a coping mechanism.
Stress, loneliness, and disconnection
Let’s name the obvious: being gay in a heteronormative world can be exhausting. So while your penis may function extremely well while masturbating to porn, you can easily find yourself having difficulty getting an erection or orgasming during sex. "Oftentimes, when a person encounters queer sex, it isn’t what they expected, and that can cause them to reassess their prejudices.”
Ben, who's a Millennial, remembers the days "when porn was a magazine you found in the woods.” “Maybe because of that, there’s still a lot of stigma for men to be exploring this, at least for men my age," he says.
"Like the pegging videos, there was a power play going on that really got me off."
Harlan usually takes a more dominant role in the bedroom, but was interested in mixing things up and exploring his submissive side. This secrecy can create deep emotional grooves, where pleasure is laced with guilt.
When unresolved, this cycle of shame and reward can carry into adulthood, reinforcing compulsive patterns.
I think we forget sometimes that sex is meant to be fun.”
Thinking back to that queer orgy video, he remembers there were lots of sex toys involved. "As long as it's between enthusiastically consenting adults, it's on the table.”
Harlan identifies as straight, but watches queer porn as a way of exploring different sexual acts and dynamics.
Porn is very arousing.
"I wish it was something we could talk about more.”
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Abby Moss
Abby Moss is a London-based freelance journalist specializing in sex and relationships.
Gay Porn: Healthy Habit or Addiction? Mark McCormack, a professor of social studies at the University of Roehampton, has studied how consumption of different types of porn can affect men’s sexual identities and satisfaction.
Most therapists do not have expertise in this area, so choose wisely.